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'The Happy Death Song'

Benjamin Adair

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Jeff Horwich
(Jeremy Pavleck)
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It was Benjamin Franklin who first famously said that nothing in this world is certain but death and taxes. So while some people are doing their taxes this weekend, Jeff Horwich looks around him and sees that other thing.

The Happy Death Song:

April's here and what's in the air?
Mourning, sorrow, grief, despair
Not what you expect when spring arrives.
If you were expecting the birds and bees
Well, there's some kinda mystery bee disease.
But worrying, honey, just makes you break out in hives.

Now I don't care much for flying rats
But in New York something's been killin' bats.
Step lightly, you might find one on your lawn.
And the big Sacramento salmon run
Is like -- empty. It's not clear what we done.
And we don't know yet what trouble this might spawn.

The polar bears up north have seen their ice turn to a lake.
It looks like that Knute's the one who caught the lucky break.

Bees and bats and fish and bears
They'll sting you, they'll bite you, they're slimy and fierce.
But all them suckers make the world go round.
If death is just one of the Facts of Life
Then this is like a marathon on Nick at Nite
And Tutti winds up six feet under ground.

It ain't just animals passing away
There's more stuff dying on us every day
And we might as well pay homage while we're here.
How 'bout that HD DVD
Or the whole darn music industry
And let's all give last rites to Robin Williams' career.

The American dollar is kickin' up dust
The American Dream is startin' to rust
The middle class could bow out any day
Neo-conservatism's lost at sea
Ralph Nader killed his legacy
And let's all wave goodbye to my 401K

Baseball struggled long and hard, but finally died last year.
The unofficial cause of death: A needle in the rear.

The newspaper industry's pretty much toast
Paper checks are giving up the ghost
And the local bookstore's very nearly through.
They say in life two things are certain
And neither one comes without plenty-a hurtin'
And sure as the sun comes up they both come due.

Engineers: Tom Mudge, Sam Keenan and Rob Byers.


  • Comment | Refresh

  • By eddie jacobs

    From torrance, CA, 04/12/2008

    you guys know what time it is
    thank you for everything

    what will happen when china cash's in all the bonds bought from us after the olympics and change's to euros ? the old one two three punch

    By Jeff Horwich

    From Saint Paul, MN, 04/12/2008

    Click the 'Extra Audio' link above, and it looks like you'll get a link to download. Glad you liked the song!

    By Andrew Kolody

    From Edgewater, MD, 04/12/2008

    Where do I buy this song? (The Happy Death Song.) I heard it on WAMU in Washington, DC and I really like it. I used to be an Office Manager at a hospice organization and a Tax Preparer. You might say, that it "struck a chord."

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