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Eat Cake

Jonathan Mitchell

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Eat Cake.
(Sara Delaney)

With winter temperatures low and the sky gray for weeks at a time, it can be tempting to hole up inside and not go anywhere on weekends. For lots of people who live by themselves, that means hanging out at home alone. We wondered what would happen when two people who were used to being alone in winter accidentally cross paths.


Elizabeth [location]: Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Valen- look at - Triscuit? Triscuit?

Elizabeth [interview]: Today's Valentine's Day.

Elizabeth [location]: Happy Valentine's Day! You're my Valentine, right? You're my Valentine.

Elizabeth [interview]: It gets to be a bit much with all the couples everywhere and candy out everywhere and cards and bears.

Elizabeth [location]: Let's see, flour´┐Ż

Elizabeth [interview]: But I have this tradition.

Elizabeth [location]: I'm gonna make a cake!

Elizabeth [interview]: I make a coconut cake, and I then I go to a movie.

Elizabeth [location]: [singing] Where is my sugar at?

Elizabeth [interview]: It started, like seven years ago, the last time i had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day.

Elizabeth [location]: Turn on the oven.

Elizabeth [interview]: The first year it was actually a chocolate cake, 'cause Chad liked Chocolate cake. And he wanted to go see a movie. Oh, we went to see some stupid movie.

Elizabeth [location]: Eggs.

Elizabeth [interview]: What was it?

Elizabeth [location]: Oh no! Oh, do I have eggs? Yes! OK!

Elizabeth [interview]: The next year, I had just broken up with him on New Years, so I still made a cake but I made a coconut cake.

Elizabeth [location]: This is not for you.

Elizabeth [interview]: Cause that's my favorite.

Elizabeth [location]: You don't like cake, Triscuit.

Elizabeth [interview]: Nobody likes coconut cake. Chad hated coconut cake.

Elizabeth [location]: Get away get away go away! That is hot!

Elizabeth [interview]: And I went to a movie that I chose.

Elizabeth [location]: [singing] Triscuit is the cat! Who's that cat? Triscuit is the - what is, what is all over you? Oh, gross. What do you do all day?

[phone rings]

Elizabeth [location]: Oh, I'm coming, I'm coming. Hello?

Brian: Hello, I'm calling to speak with Elizabeth Kostik.

Elizabeth: Uh, this is she.

Brian: Hi Elizabeth. My name is Brian Privit.

Elizabeth: Hello.

Brian: Hi, I am calling people I haven't met before on Valentine's Day to say hello.

Elizabeth: Are you serious?

Brian: Yes.

Elizabeth: Are you selling something?

Brian: [laughs] No!

Elizabeth: What is this?

Brian: It's just completely random, I picked your name out of a phone book, and I'm just calling to say hello. So, hello, I'm Brian!

Brian [interview]: There's something about talking to people I don't know that feels better than talking to people I do know on Valentine's Day. My friends, they've already heard, they've heard it hundreds of times before that I'm alone, they don't need to hear it again.

[internal phone ring]

Pat: Hello?

Brian: Hello, Pat? Pat Etchill?

Pat: Yeah?

Brian: Hi! Hi, my name is Brian Privit, and I'm calling...

Brian [interview]: I guess it's a tradition now. This'll be the third year that I've called people on the telephone who I don't know, just to reach out and connect with someone.

Pat: How did you get my number?

Brian: I just picked it at random.

Pat: Random from where?

Brian: Oh, just the telephone book.

Pat: W- why are you calling?

Brian [interview]: Some people don't want to talk on the phone.

Man: Uh, no thanks. [phone hangs up]

Brian [interview]: Sometimes it makes me feel worse.

Woman: I'm sorry, I just don't have time to talk to someone who's weird right now. [phone hangs up]

Brian: Uh, oh -

Brian [interview]: I understand it but it doesn't feel good. But you'd be surprised, I'm, a lot of times I'm surprised by how many people will chat, and it's nice. It's a nice surprise.

Pat: So I appreciate it when somebody will listen to me.

Brian: Oh!

Pat: So that's why I listen to people when they call and talk to me.

Brian: Oh well that's good.

Brian [interview]: I've never seen any of these people. I don't know what they look like, and I've definitely never met any of them. I don't want that, and I don't try to take it to that.

Brian [interview]: I always look in the phone book and, same thing here, I just opened it up and it happened to be on the Ks.

Brian: All set. Here we go. Elizabeth Kostik. All right, here we go Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: [on phone] OK, well, hello Brian. That was very weird and interesting of you. Have a good night.

Brian: If you'll only take a moment -

Elizabeth: I'm actually, I'm sort of busy right now, I'm making a cake.

Brian: What kind of cake are you baking?

Elizabeth: I'm making a coconut cake, so good luck with your thing.

Brian: I like that, I love coconut cakes, I had one-

Elizabeth: Now you're definitely a weirdo.

Brian: No no, I had one for my birthday when I was eight.

Elizabeth: Really?

Brian: Yeah.

Elizabeth: Did you ask for that or did your parents just do it?

Brian: I asked for it!

Elizabeth: Really?

Brian: Definitely, I've always loved coconut on everything, and I asked for it on my birthday, and not everybody ate it, it didn't get finished, and it was great 'cause I got to eat it.

Elizabeth: Hm.

Brian: What's the flavor on the inside?

Elizabeth: Uh, just white cake.

Brian: Yeah, that's good, that's the best.

Elizabeth: I feel like it sets off the coconut taste the best.

Brian: It is! That is the best, it's the best for coconut cake, some people try chocolate in coconut cake.

Elizabeth: I always want that to be better than it actually is.

Brian: Yeah, cause it's moist, but it just doesn't go together.

Elizabeth: Yeah, they don't work right.

Brian: Different kinds of creaminess.

Elizabeth: Why am I talking to you?!?

Brian: Because it's nice to talk to someone, isn't it?

Elizabeth: Is this how you pick people up?

Brian: No. No.

Elizabeth: You do this, you call somebody, and you're like, hey come one, come -

Brian: It's not about that at all.

Elizabeth: It's not about that at all?

Brian: No. No, I never, I never meet the people face to face.

Elizabeth: So, you'll call people but you won't meet them?

Brian: Never.

Elizabeth: How do you know?

Brian: Oh. Um, well, I didn't think. Maybe on accident I've met them.

Elizabeth: Hm.

Brian: It's possible, I guess.

Elizabeth: So you could accidentally meet somebody, but you just don't do it on purpose.

Brian: Right.

Elizabeth: Like, if I was gonna go to the movies, you could accidentally go to the same movie?

Brian: Yeah, that, if that happened, if we accidentally, a few years from now, went to the same movie theatre, and I happened.

Elizabeth: But what if later tonight I was going to go see The Princess Bride at the Biograph at 9:30?

Brian: Oh, no, I'm not trying to get a date out of this, this is just -

Elizabeth: Why not? Are you scared?

Brian: Um.

Elizabeth: You sound scared.

Brian: Heh. Um, I mean, I just called you on the phone. That would be weird if we met, wouldn't it?

Elizabeth: It was just an offhand comment. You can do whatever you want. I just think it's weird that you call people and then are scared to actually meet them.

Brian: Well, um, OK, I think it's not that much stranger to ask somebody who you've just met on the telephone to come see a movie with you, you don't even know.

Elizabeth: I don't know that that's what I did.

Brian: I - That's not why I'm doing this, uh, you know I'm going to make some other calls after this, and -

Elizabeth: OK fine.

Brian: OK.

Elizabeth: But just so you know, 9:30.

Brian: OK.

Elizabeth: And I'm going to have a whole piece of coconut cake.

Brian: And I hope you enjoy it.

[city, car horns, traffic]

Elizabeth: Taxi!

[car pulls up, door slam]

Elizabeth: Uh, thank you!

Taxi Driver: No problem.

Elizabeth: Um, I am going to Greenwood and 47th.

Taxi Driver: Ok. That's the theater, right?

Elizabeth: Yeah, yeah.

Taxi Driver: Yeah. Goin' to the movies?

Elizabeth: Uh, yeah. Mmm hm.

Taxi Driver: What're you gonna see?

Elizabeth: Um, I'm seeing, uh, The Princess Bride.

Taxi Driver: That's an old movie, right?

Elizabeth: Yeah, they're showing it again for Valentine's Day.

Taxi Driver: Oh yeah? Date?

Elizabeth: No, no.

Taxi Driver: No?

Elizabeth: No, no, I'm, um, maybe meeting a friend.

Taxi Driver: What do you mean?

Elizabeth: Well he might not be there. We've never met.

Taxi Driver: You've never met the guy?

Elizabeth: No he just called me on the phone.

Taxi Driver: He called - How did he get your phone number?

Elizabeth: Out of the phone book.

Taxi Driver: He picked your name out of a phone book and called you?

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Taxi Driver: And then you told him where you're gonna be?

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Taxi Driver: That's bold.

Elizabeth: I'm gonna be in public.

Taxi Driver: Is this how you date?

Elizabeth: No. It's not a date!

Taxi Driver: How many, how many boyfriends you had before?

Elizabeth: It's none of your business.

Taxi Driver: Ok, fair enough. I've had a lot of girlfriends.

Elizabeth: I'm sure you have.

Taxi Driver: Guess.

Elizabeth: Guess?

Taxi Driver: Yeah.

Elizabeth: I don't know, uh, 20?

Taxi Driver: That's a good guess.

Elizabeth: You've had 20 girlfriends?

Taxi Driver: Those are girlfriends, those are serious relationships. I've, I've, I've, I've had dalliances with hundreds of women.

Elizabeth: Oh, and this all works out for you, you're telling me this is the way I should be living?

Taxi Driver: It's workin' for me.

Elizabeth: Your way sounds lonely to me.

Taxi Driver: Really?

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Taxi Driver: But at least I'm with somebody.

Elizabeth: At least I'm with somebody?

Taxi Driver: Yeah.

Elizabeth: That's a great life philosophy.

Taxi Driver: Well what's your life philosophy?

Elizabeth: I don't know. See what happens next?

[speaker static]

CASHIER: Can I help you?

Elizabeth: Hi, I'd like to get one for Princess Bride.

CASHIER: It'll be $11.50.

Elizabeth: Here you go.

Brian: Pardon. Elizabeth Kostik?

Elizabeth: Yes.

Brian: Brian.

Elizabeth: Uh, y- OK, hi!

Brian: Hi!

Elizabeth: Did - you knew me cause of the cake.

Brian: Yeah, I thought about that after we got off the phone, like, how will she know, and I was like, she'll have cake.

Elizabeth: Yeah, I brought cake.

Brian: Yeah.

Elizabeth: This is, this is all very weird, isn't it?

Brian: Yeah, it's a lot different than talking on the phone.

Elizabeth: You don't look like I thought you'd look.

Brian: Oh, uh, clothes, hair?

Elizabeth: Yeah, you have clothes and hair, which I wasn't expecting!

Brian: [laughing] Yeah, you too, I didn't uh-

Elizabeth: I didn't expect you to be blonde.

Brian: Uh, I don't know if my voice is blonde.

Elizabeth: Yeah I don't think it is.

Brian: I don't know.

Elizabeth: Well we should go in.

Brian: Yeah right.

[door opens]

Elizabeth: So what happened to uh, to not meeting people that you called?

Brian: Coconut cake and Princess Bride, how could I -

Elizabeth: You broke your rule!

Brian: Well, it's going pretty well so far.

Elizabeth: OK.

Brian: Yeah.

USHER: Oh, I'm sorry, uh there's no food in the theater ma'am.

Elizabeth: Oh.

Brian: Oh, oh, well she -

Elizabeth: It's just a piece of cake.

Brian: Yeah, she made it.

USHER: You'll have to take it outside.

Elizabeth: OK.

Brian: Uh, all right.

Elizabeth: I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that.

Brian: I don't, I mean, it's not like they sell cake we're not gonna buy.

Elizabeth: You know what, I'm just gonna throw out the cake, and we can just go in, watch the movie.

Brian: No, no, you spent so much time making it, and it looks great, it looks delicious.

Elizabeth: Yeah, I sort of have this thing, I see a movie every Valentine's Day.

Brian: Well, um, maybe this will be a new tradition, getting kicked out of movie theaters for trying to bring in cake.

Elizabeth: But I don't know, I mean it's -

Brian: Let's uh, we'll find a place where we can eat cake.

Elizabeth: OK.

Brian: Alright.


  • Comment | Refresh

  • By recovery data

    From State, NY, 09/01/2011

    Your post is quite interesting to read , and the conversation Elizabeth and Brian is employable. Thanks for sharing the interesting post.


    By Dave Brown

    From RI, 01/31/2009

    Well, what happened next was the show was canceled :-( But this piece caught my ear, too... a bit of googling seems to have turned up more from this writer here: http://earcrack.blogspot.com/

    By ronnie ballister

    From CA, 01/31/2009

    i too love coconut white cake so i found your story quite believable-what happened next?

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