Weekend America

The Great Halloween Candy Fiasco

Marc Sanchez

NOVEMBER 1, 2008

Johnny Vince Evans in 1981

(Courtesy Johnny Vince Evans)

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So trick or treating is over, and you're left with a giant mound of candy. A couple weeks ago, we asked you for suggestions on what to do with your sugar injection. A number of you wrote in to tell us about how your parents used to "check" your candy. You know, when you had to dump your loot on to a sheet after you got back from trick or treating. Mom and Dad said they were checking for razor blades in the apples, but they were really pocketing all the good stuff for themselves. There was one idea that didn't quite turn out as planned. It came from the budding entrepreneurial mind of Johnny Vince Evans. The plan he hatched in junior high was perfect. Fool proof.

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Johnny Vince Evans: It wasn't even dark yet, we'd go out. And we'd stay out until way past when all the other kids had to be home, at like nine o'clock. We'd come home at 10:00 or 10:30. And we'd have these big huge pillowcases just bursting with candy.

Halloween night was great in our neighborhood, because we lived in this pretty new neighborhood. There were hundreds of kids.

This was 1981. I was in eighth grade. And my mom kept this candy cupboard. We had a pretty much unlimited supply of Snickers and Twix and Smarties. It wasn't like the one time of the year where you get to gorge on candy. We always got to gorge on candy.

So I had this big pile of candy left over. I wasn't too excited about it, so I said, "You know what I should do is, be like that guy on 'Sesame Street,'" you know the "Psst! Hey, bud. Wanna buy a watch?" Except, I was going to do that with candy. "Psst! Hey, bud. Wanna buy some candy?"

I had this purple windbreaker, and I just Scotch- taped all of these little candy bars and lollipops and Life Savers. It was weighed down, and it was making all these cellophane noises every time I moved. And I figured I'd charge 25 cents or whatever I could get at school the next day. I didn't tell my parents about it. I didn't tell anybody about it. I was just going to really blow people away.

I really wanted to show my best friend. But I kept it a secret until I got to English class. And I flashed open my jacket just to kind of get a reaction. His eyes kind of bugged open, and then he was like, "Gimme some! Gimme some!" I was like, "No, I'm selling it." So he told everybody else.

He said, "Hey! Hey! Johnny's got candy in his jacket. Johnny's got candy!" And all of the sudden there were these hands, trying to grab in under my jacket. And I'm pulling my jacket really tight. And it kind of causes a disruption. The teacher is like, "What's going on over there?"

All through class they're, like, poking at my jacket, and I'm like, "When I get out of this class, they're gonna jump me."

The bell rings. I get out of class and everybody's following behind me and chasing me. And as soon as we get into the hall, they're all like, "Come on! Come on!" And I'm pulling my jacket tighter and tighter. My locker is at the other end of this long hall. And I'm like, "No, no, I'm selling it. I'm not giving it away. You guys can't have it. I'm selling it." And all of the sudden, they just jumped me.

There was just this pile. And I'm really ticklish, so I was just getting smothered and they're all reaching in my jacket, and I'm crying - halfway because I'm being assaulted and halfway because they're tickling me to death.

I could hear each piece of candy being like ripped - the tape ripping off my jacket. Finally the crowd backed off, and everybody's laughing and going down the hallway, and opening up my candy! And this one kid, David Harris - he's kind of a bully - he kind of came up real close to me, and he gave me this sad face. "I didn't get any candy," he said.

I had one piece of candy left. I just ripped it off and gave it to him, and I was totally defeated.

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